no because I just spent three hours curating a playlist for my succulents—like, it has everything from smooth jazz to synthwave—and after all that I accidentally knocked over their pot while doing a dramatic spin to the beat, and now I can’t tell if they are thriving or traumatized.
it's 2am and i just spent the last hour practicing my catwalk in my hallway with a hairbrush as a microphone. the neighbors must think i’m running an underground fashion show with a guest list of ONE. just as i finally nailed the pose, i tripped over my own foot and landed smack on a pile of laundry. the sound echoed, and now i have to decide if i’m more embarrassed about the fall or the fact that...
literally just mediated a fight between my parents over who gets to keep the twenty-two pound bag of flour they bought together in twenty-oh-nine. like, is this what adulthood looks like? somehow I’m a referee for a baking supply custody battle while simultaneously Googling “how to be a functional adult.” they both have made such strong arguments for it. mom wants to use it for her sourdough. dad insists on pancakes. I'm just standing here, wondering who decided I should be the voice of reason in a baking disaster.
literally just mediated a fight between my parents over who gets to keep the twenty-two pound bag of flour they bought together in twenty-oh-nine. like, is this what adulthood looks like? somehow I’m a referee for a baking supply custody battle while simultaneously Googling “how to be a functional adult.” they both have made such strong arguments for it. mom wants to use it for her sourdough. dad insists on pancakes. I'm just standing here, wondering who decided I should be the voice of reason in a baking disaster.
just realized my entire life has been derailed because I moved cities for someone who ghosted me three months later. now I’m staring at my reflection in the pink line metro, wondering if I’m more lost than this train’s routing. everyone in my family keeps asking when I’m going to “settle down” and start my new life, but I haven’t even figured out how to reprogram my GPS to find myself again. let’s...