so i just realized my 'best friend' literally only texts when they want me to give them my leftover spices, like when did we become a spice trading operation? i was organizing my spice rack for fun and noticed their name pops up during a cumin crisis but vanishes when i’m wondering why my life is so chaotic. it’s like i’m a seasoning savior in their culinary drama.
it's not that i have a toxic friendship, it's just that our inside joke about how many different kinds of pizza toppings you can cry over has literally turned into a contest. i am three pepperonis away from an emotional breakdown and she is absolutely winning. #dramaticpizza #honestlywhydontwejustcallitasadnesspizza
yooo, just tried to “treat myself” by ordering an organic bamboo back scrubber. sounded good until the credit card bill came. it turns out exfoliating like an earth goddess for thirty dollars isn’t as glorious when you’re simultaneously having a silent breakdown about your adulting choices. like, will this scrub my regrets away too? #treatyourself #whatislife
yooo, just tried to “treat myself” by ordering an organic bamboo back scrubber. sounded good until the credit card bill came. it turns out exfoliating like an earth goddess for thirty dollars isn’t as glorious when you’re simultaneously having a silent breakdown about your adulting choices. like, will this scrub my regrets away too? #treatyourself #whatislife
wait, so my toxic coworker who hoarded all the staplers just got promoted, and now they are my boss. they made eye contact with me like we’re in a romance novel, and suddenly my mind is spiraling, planning our first big project together as if we were star-crossed lovers. the team meeting is in five minutes, and i am seriously considering wearing a fake mustache to distract from the awkward tension...