the way that i just googled the historical significance of napkin folding like i’m prepping for a dinner with the queen. my parents probably learned that in second grade. now i’m over here creating elaborate diagrams in my notes, questioning every life choice that led me to this moment.
the way that i just found out my long-lost cousin got promoted to dog photographer in a major city and is already making more than me while i still live at home, honestly shook me to my core. he doesn’t even have a dog! just a cat who judges him from a distance. now i’m over here regretting that i didn’t pursue my dream of becoming a certified hamster life coach.
i just got invited to a potluck dinner where everyone has to bring a dish from their favorite childhood memory. i spent the whole week obsessing over it, decided to bring a handmade chocolate cake. showed up with the cake, and nobody brought anything. they all just ordered pizza and acted like we were having a food truck festival. now im sitting here cutting my cake with a butter knife and laughing awkwardly while they keep ordering more pizza. guess that cake was more of a one-way ticket to social extinction than a nostalgic treat.
i just got invited to a potluck dinner where everyone has to bring a dish from their favorite childhood memory. i spent the whole week obsessing over it, decided to bring a handmade chocolate cake. showed up with the cake, and nobody brought anything. they all just ordered pizza and acted like we were having a food truck festival. now im sitting here cutting my cake with a butter knife and laughing awkwardly while they keep ordering more pizza. guess that cake was more of a one-way ticket to social extinction than a nostalgic treat.
just spent my entire bus ride creating an elaborate backstory for the guy sitting across from me—he’s definitely an undercover chef who just fled to this city after his pasta got a Michelin star in Italy, and now he spends his days plotting revenge against critics who didn’t appreciate his artisanal breadsticks—he definitely does not realize i’ve already picked out the name for our future kids. #I...