just realized my manager scheduled a 'quick chat' on friday at four pm, which literally means they must have discovered i am secretly a legendary space-time traveler. like, who else could turn a four pm chat into an intergalactic diplomatic meeting? i mean, honestly, i can just see it now. i walk in, and they're like, "we need you to broker peace with the alien factions" while i'm over here strugg...
i realized i’ve been apologizing for existing my whole life. i mean, even in yoga class, i feel the need to say “sorry” for breathing too loud during meditation. it’s gotten to the point where i bumped into a stranger at a party and said, “excuse me, sorry for…you know, just being here.” now, i'm waiting for someone to apologize for me not leaving the house and also for making awkward small talk w...
no because the way that I found myself deeply caring about a stranger’s overly complex strategy for beating level forty-eight of a mobile game—while I’m here just trying to remember my own address—it’s like, why am I nodding along to their meticulously detailed plans for rare item farming in an online world I don’t even live in, while my socks are mismatched and my plants are on the verge of revolt?
no because the way that I found myself deeply caring about a stranger’s overly complex strategy for beating level forty-eight of a mobile game—while I’m here just trying to remember my own address—it’s like, why am I nodding along to their meticulously detailed plans for rare item farming in an online world I don’t even live in, while my socks are mismatched and my plants are on the verge of revolt?
just realized my life feels like an off-brand reality show. like, everyone expects me to be the quirky sidekick, but honestly, I’m just a walking existential crisis with a coffee addiction. the other day, I thought I lost my job when I dropped my lunch—like, literally dropped it—in the break room. instead of panicking, I just leaned into it, smeared mustard on my shirt and said, “who wants to be i...