just realized i’ve been crafting entire soap operas in my mind about how my life would unfold if i’d taken that one trip instead of binge-watching reality shows on my couch. dramatic beach reunions with my “lost twin,” who only exists in my imagination, giving me life advice while we sip out of coconuts. can’t help but laugh at myself for missing out on genuine experiences, all while i invent fals...
literally just spent an hour composing this breakup text with, like, five different playlists in mind, all loaded with the most dramatic song choices. their reply was just "ok," and now I feel like my entire Spotify library just let out a collective sigh. i swear, it’s like my emotions are a Netflix show no one is watching, and I’m left here wondering if my sadness even registered on their radar.
it's not that i don’t love our family pet, it’s just—who can compete with a hamster named Sir Squeaksalot? every time they call for him, i find myself elbow-deep in a container of stale popcorn at a family gathering, laughing a little too hard at my own terrible jokes. i mean, why did i think bringing a ukulele to the reunion was a good idea? the way my siblings swoon over that tiny ball of fluff, while my greatest achievement that day was singing "wonderwall" to a confused grandma, is just—really peak me, right?
it's not that i don’t love our family pet, it’s just—who can compete with a hamster named Sir Squeaksalot? every time they call for him, i find myself elbow-deep in a container of stale popcorn at a family gathering, laughing a little too hard at my own terrible jokes. i mean, why did i think bringing a ukulele to the reunion was a good idea? the way my siblings swoon over that tiny ball of fluff, while my greatest achievement that day was singing "wonderwall" to a confused grandma, is just—really peak me, right?
it's not that i don't appreciate a close-knit atmosphere, it's just… why do you say “we're like family” right before telling us no raises this year? am i supposed to feel warm and fuzzy while contemplating my next meal? it's like saying “we care about you” right before passing around a collection plate. does this mean i should bring a casserole to the next meeting, or will my lack of baked goods m...