i told everyone i was a huge hockey fan, like big enough to drop casual stats about the blue jackets. truth is, i only said it to impress a coworker during lunch and now i panic every time someone mentions their last game. now i’m hiding in my office pretending to watch highlights while scrolling memes instead. how long until my next awkward encounter? #FlyersVsBlueJackets #JustPretending
no because i literally just voice-texted my thoughts about how i’d definitely win a gold medal in avoiding grocery shopping by creating elaborate fake identities to bypass the store security. like, one minute i’m contemplating what kind of snack to get, and the next i’m making an escape plan like i'm the lead in a heist movie. but honestly, who knew impulse buying vegetables could escalate into a ...
it’s 3:17 AM and I’m scrolling through a website about mushroom cultivation—who knew they had feelings? then I see my private message about which fungus makes the best carpet for dance floors, sent to one coworker, forwarded to the ENTIRE team. so now I’m the *mushroom guru* of the office—everybody has questions, and I have to smile while explaining my “expertise” in *fungal floor trends*. clearly, I’m a visionary, but also, should I consider starting an “emergency” email to clear the air about my love for interior mycology?
it’s 3:17 AM and I’m scrolling through a website about mushroom cultivation—who knew they had feelings? then I see my private message about which fungus makes the best carpet for dance floors, sent to one coworker, forwarded to the ENTIRE team. so now I’m the *mushroom guru* of the office—everybody has questions, and I have to smile while explaining my “expertise” in *fungal floor trends*. clearly, I’m a visionary, but also, should I consider starting an “emergency” email to clear the air about my love for interior mycology?
honestly, i just sent a text to my landlord asking if they’d consider a rent reduction. i’m sitting here watching those three dots appear and disappear, like waiting for a confession of love or for a barista to reveal their real name. how did it come to this? hoping for a “maybe” instead of “hell no” feels like asking colin mcdonald to prosecute my heart’s true desires. what’s next, writing a lett...