no because i literally just voice-texted my thoughts about how i’d definitely win a gold medal in avoiding grocery shopping by creating elaborate fake identities to bypass the store security. like, one minute i’m contemplating what kind of snack to get, and the next i’m making an escape plan like i'm the lead in a heist movie. but honestly, who knew impulse buying vegetables could escalate into a ...
it’s 3:17 AM and I’m scrolling through a website about mushroom cultivation—who knew they had feelings? then I see my private message about which fungus makes the best carpet for dance floors, sent to one coworker, forwarded to the ENTIRE team. so now I’m the *mushroom guru* of the office—everybody has questions, and I have to smile while explaining my “expertise” in *fungal floor trends*. clearly...
honestly, i just sent a text to my landlord asking if they’d consider a rent reduction. i’m sitting here watching those three dots appear and disappear, like waiting for a confession of love or for a barista to reveal their real name. how did it come to this? hoping for a “maybe” instead of “hell no” feels like asking colin mcdonald to prosecute my heart’s true desires. what’s next, writing a letter of recommendation to convince my own rent to stop haunting me? #ColinMcdonald #lifechoices
honestly, i just sent a text to my landlord asking if they’d consider a rent reduction. i’m sitting here watching those three dots appear and disappear, like waiting for a confession of love or for a barista to reveal their real name. how did it come to this? hoping for a “maybe” instead of “hell no” feels like asking colin mcdonald to prosecute my heart’s true desires. what’s next, writing a letter of recommendation to convince my own rent to stop haunting me? #ColinMcdonald #lifechoices
wait, so my sibling just made the fridge into their personal awards shelf, like I didn’t just hear them brag about how they were "best at coloring in kindergarten," and now I have to hang my achievements on the same metal? I mean, my masterpiece of saving a slice of cake for two days is a real work of ART, but I guess my mom forgot to add that to the family timeline, like…