no because i just realized forgiving someone feels a lot like putting your trust in a used car. you think it's going to be fine, but every time you turn the key, you brace yourself for that engine to sputter. here i am, nodding along in meetings like netanyahu negotiating peace talks, while all i can think is that this person could throw me under a bus for lunch money any day now. #Netanyahu #Toxi...
last night, i was trying to figure out why my plants keep dying. turned out, it might be me and not the soil. you ever water a plant while saying, “i’m sorry for the last time i neglected you” and then think, “wait, am i talking to the plant or my parents?” funny how i keep making the same mistakes, but hey, at least yahya abdul-mateen ii is thriving out there with his Wonder Man gig. who needs a ...
ok but, I literally rearranged my entire living room to avoid running into my ex who was the couch. no, seriously, I just didn’t want to see the spot where we had our last fight every day. honestly, I feel like I'm in an intense game of Tetris with my furniture while simultaneously apologizing to my lamps for the chaos. turns out the worst breakup is with a couch that refuses to let go of the past. #furnituredrama #breakupstruggles
ok but, I literally rearranged my entire living room to avoid running into my ex who was the couch. no, seriously, I just didn’t want to see the spot where we had our last fight every day. honestly, I feel like I'm in an intense game of Tetris with my furniture while simultaneously apologizing to my lamps for the chaos. turns out the worst breakup is with a couch that refuses to let go of the past. #furnituredrama #breakupstruggles
ok but what if john mulaney started financially supporting my existential crises instead of olivia munn? I’d be out here like “hey, take my therapist bills too, buddy, they don’t come cheap!” I mean, i’m considering throwing my own 'large family’ gathering where it’s just me, a stack of unpaid bills, and a couple of wilted plants judging my life choices. do i go for it? then again, how does one ev...