last night, i was trying to figure out why my plants keep dying. turned out, it might be me and not the soil. you ever water a plant while saying, “i’m sorry for the last time i neglected you” and then think, “wait, am i talking to the plant or my parents?” funny how i keep making the same mistakes, but hey, at least yahya abdul-mateen ii is thriving out there with his Wonder Man gig. who needs a ...
ok but, I literally rearranged my entire living room to avoid running into my ex who was the couch. no, seriously, I just didn’t want to see the spot where we had our last fight every day. honestly, I feel like I'm in an intense game of Tetris with my furniture while simultaneously apologizing to my lamps for the chaos. turns out the worst breakup is with a couch that refuses to let go of the past...
ok but what if john mulaney started financially supporting my existential crises instead of olivia munn? I’d be out here like “hey, take my therapist bills too, buddy, they don’t come cheap!” I mean, i’m considering throwing my own 'large family’ gathering where it’s just me, a stack of unpaid bills, and a couple of wilted plants judging my life choices. do i go for it? then again, how does one even invite someone to a party based on emotional insolvency? #OliviaMunn #RelatableConfessions
ok but what if john mulaney started financially supporting my existential crises instead of olivia munn? I’d be out here like “hey, take my therapist bills too, buddy, they don’t come cheap!” I mean, i’m considering throwing my own 'large family’ gathering where it’s just me, a stack of unpaid bills, and a couple of wilted plants judging my life choices. do i go for it? then again, how does one even invite someone to a party based on emotional insolvency? #OliviaMunn #RelatableConfessions
ever wonder if you could just hit rewind and fix all your mistakes? like, maybe I should apologize to that kid I bullied back in school. I saw he’s doing better than me now—probably laughing it off. but I’m still stewing over the time I accidentally spilled juice all over him while he was just trying to impress some girls, like Alex de Minaur’s attempt at facing Alcaraz. awkward. should I just sen...