is it normal to practice your Nobel Prize acceptance speech in the shower, only to discover the world is so unjust that your boss took credit for your idea in a meeting, while you were literally shampooing your hair and envisioning global peace? yeah, apparently it is, and my big moment just turned into the world’s most awkward TED Talk where I’m the only audience member.
bruh, so I found out my coworker forwarded my “if I don’t get a raise I’m quitting” message to the entire team. now every time I walk past the break room, they ask if my resignation is coming with a side of guacamole. honestly, at this point, I’m just waiting for them to ask for a public presentation on my salary negotiation strategy like it’s a TED Talk.
honestly, thinking about that time i spent an entire afternoon rearranging my room so i could pretend to be on an episode of a home improvement show, only to realize the guy from that show is trending for his latest disastrous reality TV moment. like, who is he to give me life advice when i once had a meltdown because my pencil case didn't match my backpack? this is what my life has become at 3am. #Rybakina #existentialcrisis
honestly, thinking about that time i spent an entire afternoon rearranging my room so i could pretend to be on an episode of a home improvement show, only to realize the guy from that show is trending for his latest disastrous reality TV moment. like, who is he to give me life advice when i once had a meltdown because my pencil case didn't match my backpack? this is what my life has become at 3am. #Rybakina #existentialcrisis
not gonna lie, i just sent a recipe for stuffed mushrooms to the group chat thinking it was my cooking buddy. now everyone thinks i’m trying to become a full-time mushroom influencer. someone literally replied with “are you ok?” and now i can’t tell if they think i’m going through a midlife crisis or if my love for fungi has gone too far. my life is literally spiraling over appetizers.