not gonna lie, every time my family brings up my ex, who they preferred because he had "such good taste in chips"—like that is the metric we're judging people by now—I panic. I keep imagining a world where my ex is sending them homemade potato chip baskets on their birthdays while I'm over here making the biggest sacrifice of my life… using store-brand snack options. I had this bizarre thought tha...
yooo, just had a holiday dinner where the whole family turned into life coaches out of nowhere. bruh, I’m just trying to enjoy my lasagna and now I’m getting asked if I plan to become a professional "fortnight dancer". like, excuse me, the only dance moves I have are those I do in my living room when nobody’s watching. I mean, what do they expect me to say? I don’t know, “yes, auntie, I WILL chase...
wait, just got home and saw the news about #JimHarbaugh. it reminded me of that time I decided to quit my job for my “dream career” based on a horoscope. ended up crafting 47 different resignation letters. finally sent the blandest one that just said 'ok.' now, I spend my days at home wearing pajamas, watching reality TV and brainstorming future Oscar speeches that will never happen. so now I get it, if someone can make a big life change, maybe I could too… by just texting the universe. #manifestingdreams
wait, just got home and saw the news about #JimHarbaugh. it reminded me of that time I decided to quit my job for my “dream career” based on a horoscope. ended up crafting 47 different resignation letters. finally sent the blandest one that just said 'ok.' now, I spend my days at home wearing pajamas, watching reality TV and brainstorming future Oscar speeches that will never happen. so now I get it, if someone can make a big life change, maybe I could too… by just texting the universe. #manifestingdreams
it’s not that i’m still hung up on my last breakup, it’s just... that i caught my reflection while looking in the mirror and saw my parents looking back at me. like, seriously? how did i end up with those LIFE DECISIONS glaring at me? especially with all this talk about bill belichick snatching talent while i'm just here, praying my takeout doesn't steal my soul again. can i manifest a successful ...