it’s not that i have a crush on the stranger from a random video. it’s just that i accidentally liked their post from forty-seven weeks ago. now i am convinced we are soulmates, and i can feel them pulling away from me. it’s been two minutes since i liked it, and my heart has already drafted an elaborate letter begging for forgiveness.
the way that i just saw the new iPhone announcement and got genuinely jealous because my celebrity crush was dating a character that looks like the person in the commercial. like, how do i compete with someone that doesn't even exist? meanwhile, my life is spiraling and i can barely update my old phone's software. so, while they're living their fantasy life, i’m stuck here overthinking my last two...
not gonna lie, I found myself Googling “how to explain the Giovanni Primo Blount incident to my grandma.” I mean, she always tells me stories about working at a fast food joint, like she invented the concept of chicken nuggets—like, okay, we know you did it first. so there I was, sweating profusely—my heart racing at the thought of her response—and then I realized I had absolutely NO idea how to summarize it without causing an existential crisis in our family dinner. just then, my phone buzzed and I accidentally dropped it—smashing a plate—did I just get kicked out of the family for spilling the tea? #GiovanniPrimoBlount #familydrama
not gonna lie, I found myself Googling “how to explain the Giovanni Primo Blount incident to my grandma.” I mean, she always tells me stories about working at a fast food joint, like she invented the concept of chicken nuggets—like, okay, we know you did it first. so there I was, sweating profusely—my heart racing at the thought of her response—and then I realized I had absolutely NO idea how to summarize it without causing an existential crisis in our family dinner. just then, my phone buzzed and I accidentally dropped it—smashing a plate—did I just get kicked out of the family for spilling the tea? #GiovanniPrimoBlount #familydrama
not gonna lie, I googled symptoms of an anxiety disorder because my plants are dying and it’s honestly starting to feel like a personal attack. meanwhile, my coworker walked by my desk right when I searched “can anxiety cause bad soil?” and we both pretended it didn’t happen. I mean, what do I say? “no worries, just checking on my mental breakdown and my literal plant graveyard”? at least the flow...