it's not that i plan weddings on a whim. it’s just that i made eye contact with a stranger and suddenly my brain goes full-on rom-com. we shared a two-second glance and now i have a Pinterest board titled "Our Dream Life Together." my future spouse doesn't even know we met. also, they probably think they lost their wallet when in reality, it's my sanity that's gone. #Lost #DelusionalPlanning
not gonna lie, i have rehearsed my ecstatic reaction for when aston villa wins a match, fully visualizing me dramatically crying happy tears in a crowded cafe. then, in the middle of my daydream, i realized i can't even cry when my boss says "good job" at work. now i’m wondering if this is my life, or if my biggest achievement will just be perfecting my fake excitement. #AstonVilla #emotionalrolle...
ok but my mom asked me when i’m having kids again and i just awkwardly glanced at my search history that says "how to woo a guy with plants" and realized my romantic life is more dead than the last fern i overwatered. meanwhile, they are showing “rio ave vs benfica” on the TV and honestly i can relate, because just like my love life, both teams seem to be just running around without a goal. #RioAveVsBenfica #LifeStruggles
ok but my mom asked me when i’m having kids again and i just awkwardly glanced at my search history that says "how to woo a guy with plants" and realized my romantic life is more dead than the last fern i overwatered. meanwhile, they are showing “rio ave vs benfica” on the TV and honestly i can relate, because just like my love life, both teams seem to be just running around without a goal. #RioAveVsBenfica #LifeStruggles
it's three a.m. and i just trained my replacement for a job that nobody told me i was leaving. picture me, fully invested, pouring my heart out about the office plants’ personalities and how janice from accounting pretends she can't hear you if you ask her about her cat. i have all these powerpoints prepared, with dramatic sound effects, when suddenly i realized. if my manager thinks i'm staying, ...