it's not that we weren't best friends trading glue sticks in elementary school... it's just that now you act like we never lived through that time you knocked over the art teacher's cart and it was literally a crime scene. i saw you walk by me, giving me that “who is this person” look like i didn’t share my fruit snacks with you during the disaster of fifth grade history class. like, do you forget...
i just found out about that filly, right? my friend texted me excitedly while i was eating microwave popcorn in my pajamas at three in the afternoon. i used to judge people for being obsessed with horses. now i am officially sitting here daydreaming about adopting a horse farm and naming every horse after all my exes. imagine that therapy bill. #Filly #HorseDreams
just realized my coworkers actually think i'm the office 'funeral director' because of how seriously i critique their potlucks. last night, one of them asked if i could do a toast next time, and now i can't decide if i should be flattered or find a new job where people don't confuse my 'critiques' with a death sentence. #potluckproblems #awkwardreputation
just realized my coworkers actually think i'm the office 'funeral director' because of how seriously i critique their potlucks. last night, one of them asked if i could do a toast next time, and now i can't decide if i should be flattered or find a new job where people don't confuse my 'critiques' with a death sentence. #potluckproblems #awkwardreputation
just realized that the news about the bombay high court is basically my love life summarized in legal terms. picked sides in my friend group thinking it would help me but ended up as the unrepresented client just waiting for judgment. now i'm spiraling because my last date literally asked me to sign a 'no drama' clause. where was my arbitration award on this chaos? things really have hit rock bott...