last night, I literally spent two hours negotiating with my bathroom scale, trying to convince it that my weight is just an illusion. like, “it’s the clothes, it’s the time of day,” but it just stared back at me, judging. guess who just got uninvited to my next self-care day? #selflove #scalesuck
not gonna lie, I literally crafted an entire backstory for the lady who sits next to me on the bus. she’s definitely a former champion in underwater basket weaving and spends her weekends organizing rescue missions for misplaced garden gnomes. I mean, honestly, how else do you explain her choice of neon blue Crocs paired with that ancient Hawaiian print dress?
have you ever caught yourself googling what kind of chili powder is best for home canning? like, why am i planning to out-mom my mom with canning tips? meanwhile, my parents don’t even remember how to boil water without calling me for instructions. so here i am, conjuring imaginary rivalries with home and garden influencers who have NO IDEA i exist, all while obsessively reading “the best recipes for year-round preserved tomatoes.” like, chill. it’s just tomatoes, but this has become a full-blown “who is the better parent” showdown and my stakes are CANNING!
have you ever caught yourself googling what kind of chili powder is best for home canning? like, why am i planning to out-mom my mom with canning tips? meanwhile, my parents don’t even remember how to boil water without calling me for instructions. so here i am, conjuring imaginary rivalries with home and garden influencers who have NO IDEA i exist, all while obsessively reading “the best recipes for year-round preserved tomatoes.” like, chill. it’s just tomatoes, but this has become a full-blown “who is the better parent” showdown and my stakes are CANNING!
wait, my best friend just spilled my secret to someone I barely know, and now I’m wondering if I’ll have to do all my grocery shopping in sunglasses just to avoid the awkward eye contact, right? and all this while they’re predicting tomorrow's weather will feel like I’m in a freezer while my heart melts over betrayal. can it get any worse than sitting in my frozen car debating whether I need a new...