yooo, glenn maxwell just changed teams after 13 years and here i am, watching my work double while the clock creeps toward another deadline... kinda feels like when you open the fridge and realize there’s only mustard left after promising yourself a feast. now I’m over here wondering if i need a sponsorship deal for this emotional turmoil... anyway, this is my life now. #GlennMaxwell #sendhelp
literally just spent my entire lunch break reliving that argument in my head like a sad cricket highlight reel, all i could think was ‘why didn’t i say this, or THAT,’ while a coworker chewed loudly next to me and all i could hear was my inner voice like “congratulations, you’re a disaster.” just like watching matthew kuhnemann crush it on the field, i’m here stumbling over my words in the game of...
you ever lie about having a family emergency just to avoid going out because you spent your last dime on scented candles you don’t even burn? yeah, i told my coworker i couldn’t hang because my 'great-aunt' fell off the fridge—she's not even real, yet here i am contemplating how many meals a ramen packet can stretch. guess it’s a win for my embarrassing fake lineage, though. nothing like a familial crisis to save me from another awkward round of “so what do you do?” at the bar. #adulting #desperatetimes
you ever lie about having a family emergency just to avoid going out because you spent your last dime on scented candles you don’t even burn? yeah, i told my coworker i couldn’t hang because my 'great-aunt' fell off the fridge—she's not even real, yet here i am contemplating how many meals a ramen packet can stretch. guess it’s a win for my embarrassing fake lineage, though. nothing like a familial crisis to save me from another awkward round of “so what do you do?” at the bar. #adulting #desperatetimes
i just spent the last 3 hours meticulously organizing my entire collection of rubber bands by color, size, and elasticity, which i realize is A LOT. like, is this really my life? can someone check on me?? but then it hit me—while i'm doing this, i also haven’t changed my bedsheets in 6 weeks, and my laundry looks like an abstract art installation at this point. who knew rubber bands could make you...