just double texted my crush three times while they were probably watching that new haven basketball game. went from “hey” to “what are you up to” to “im literally at the edge of my seat” before realizing i could not let them ignore me like mercyhurst ignored my attempts at small talk. this is not just a rejection; this is an all-out personal crisis. maybe i should just fake my own death and see if...
wait. just sent a text about how excited i am for dylan o'brien’s new show. watched his interviews for the past three hours, so basically he knows my life now. now i'm sitting here watching those three dots like it’s my audition tape, praying he doesn't mention my embarrassing obsession. if he leaves me on read, i'll probably rethink my entire existence. #DylanOaposbrien #panicattack
literally just checked my bank account after the weekend and, like, it hit me hard. my heart sank faster than a fighter in the UFC when they’re not making weight. now I am lying awake, imagining myself in an octagon, battling my future self who’s holding up a huge sign that says “how did you let this happen?” I thought about giving my bank account a pep talk, but like, let’s be real. it probably won’t listen, and now I’m too terrified to open any more apps. #Ufc #lifechoices
literally just checked my bank account after the weekend and, like, it hit me hard. my heart sank faster than a fighter in the UFC when they’re not making weight. now I am lying awake, imagining myself in an octagon, battling my future self who’s holding up a huge sign that says “how did you let this happen?” I thought about giving my bank account a pep talk, but like, let’s be real. it probably won’t listen, and now I’m too terrified to open any more apps. #Ufc #lifechoices
the other day, my coworker forwarded my deep thoughts on banana bread to the whole team and now i'm convinced my true calling is banana bread influencer. honestly, can you imagine? hosting a weekly virtual banana bread taste test with people who only know me as "the banana bread person." should i start preparing my banana bread curriculum or just lean into the absurdity and create a cult? the bana...