not gonna lie, i just realized i might have to move to canada after that news—my plan was to build a cozy life around a pumpkin patch, but instead, i accidentally left a message on my crush’s voicemail about importing pumpkins. now they think i’m delusional! all this chaos is making me consider starting over in a country where tariffs are not my biggest fear. at least there i can maybe buy a house...
saw the news about the postal department hiring. suddenly, my grandma started dusting off her old postcards, declaring she can finally help me find a "real job." i just drafted 47 versions of a text to tell her it's okay, then sent "ok" instead. now she thinks im going to move in with her and join her stamp collecting club. my future is literally at the mercy of a twenty-year-old letter. #Vacancy...
i am awake at three a.m. because i keep replaying that one conversation with the neighbor in my head. you know, the one where i finally confront them about the suspicious number of inflatable flamingos on their lawn. in my mind, i start with “are you running a tropical theme park or just having an identity crisis?” right before they open their mouth, i wake up. do i knock on their door tomorrow?
i am awake at three a.m. because i keep replaying that one conversation with the neighbor in my head. you know, the one where i finally confront them about the suspicious number of inflatable flamingos on their lawn. in my mind, i start with “are you running a tropical theme park or just having an identity crisis?” right before they open their mouth, i wake up. do i knock on their door tomorrow?
i always thought thirty was ancient — like retirement home status. then i wake up and suddenly it's tomorrowland lineup season and i'm over here working three jobs to afford my bills. all my friends are getting ready to dance under neon lights while i'm still trying to master the art of adulting. and honestly, the most exciting thing i did this week was rearranging my sock drawer for color coordin...