it’s 2am and I just googled “how to disappear without a trace.” I mean, with all this talk about abolishing property taxes, maybe I can start fresh with a new identity. living with the lie of my dream life has its perks, but it’s hard to keep pretending my house is not actually a glorified storage unit filled with regret. I never signed up for this, but honestly, who’s gonna check on the quiet nei...
it’s 3am and i’m scrolling through social media, like any normal person does. then i see it, a photo of my ex, smiling in that cheesy way they do, but this time they’re with my friend. everyone knew except me. meanwhile, i’ve been manifesting a promotion at the post office… for a job i don't even want. the twist? my ex might have just snagged my friend and my future employment prospects in the sam...
bruh, my Spotify Wrapped was like a personality CRISIS. I mean, I’ve never seen such an intense mix of depressing breakup ballads and synthwave gym playlists. It’s like I’m both crying on the couch and then thinking I can magically transform into an energetic dance machine at 2am. Now I’m over here like, "did I just summon Bryan Kohberger's chaotic energy by choosing those playlists?" Is that what this darkly comedic self-reflection looks like? Can my playlist send out a serial killer vibe too? Yooo, next year I need to drop some polka and instrumental music just to throw off the scent. #BryanKohberger #lifechoices
bruh, my Spotify Wrapped was like a personality CRISIS. I mean, I’ve never seen such an intense mix of depressing breakup ballads and synthwave gym playlists. It’s like I’m both crying on the couch and then thinking I can magically transform into an energetic dance machine at 2am. Now I’m over here like, "did I just summon Bryan Kohberger's chaotic energy by choosing those playlists?" Is that what this darkly comedic self-reflection looks like? Can my playlist send out a serial killer vibe too? Yooo, next year I need to drop some polka and instrumental music just to throw off the scent. #BryanKohberger #lifechoices
day 47 of pretending i didn’t just invent the idea that got my boss’s last commendation. he raved about some intern’s take on my concept while i sat there, gripping my coffee like it's a lifeline. meanwhile, i saw someone on the train that looked just like ajit pawar and wondered if anyone told him how my heart felt like a funeral today. it's funny how life crashes hard, but no one shows up with a...