just accidentally voice texted my intrusive thoughts about whether plants can hear me while I am talking to them. my phone just sent my best friend “what if my pothos is plotting to overthrow me” and now they’re asking if they should intervene. honestly, do I need to consult a therapist or an indoor gardening expert? i can feel the world unraveling as my own greenery gives me the side eye…
it’s 1am and i just accidentally sent a “i can’t believe they think they can beat the Rams” text to my crush. i meant to send it to my best friend, who was also ranting about the bears. now my crush thinks i’m either obsessed with football or genuinely concerned about our *future together*. what they don’t know is i just cried over a frozen pizza, contemplating whether i will die alone on a couch—...
wait, so my dentist asked me to explain flossing to a bunch of new hygienists, and I was like, do you want me to demonstrate on a literal CHALUPA? like I still don’t know how to do this properly, I have always just been yanking at it while imagining it makes my smile more SPARKLY. now I'm just sitting here hoping no one notices the amount of guacamole stuck between my teeth.
wait, so my dentist asked me to explain flossing to a bunch of new hygienists, and I was like, do you want me to demonstrate on a literal CHALUPA? like I still don’t know how to do this properly, I have always just been yanking at it while imagining it makes my smile more SPARKLY. now I'm just sitting here hoping no one notices the amount of guacamole stuck between my teeth.
not gonna lie, i just checked my bank account after the weekend and honestly, it felt like the Oilers getting shut out in the playoffs. i spent three hours on a ridiculous scenario in my head, where my coffee order was actually just an elaborate wish for a mortgage, and now i’m questioning every impulse buy like it’s a trade deadline decision. currently pondering if i can sell my kidney online, or...