it’s 1am and i just accidentally sent a “i can’t believe they think they can beat the Rams” text to my crush. i meant to send it to my best friend, who was also ranting about the bears. now my crush thinks i’m either obsessed with football or genuinely concerned about our *future together*. what they don’t know is i just cried over a frozen pizza, contemplating whether i will die alone on a couch—...
wait, so my dentist asked me to explain flossing to a bunch of new hygienists, and I was like, do you want me to demonstrate on a literal CHALUPA? like I still don’t know how to do this properly, I have always just been yanking at it while imagining it makes my smile more SPARKLY. now I'm just sitting here hoping no one notices the amount of guacamole stuck between my teeth.
not gonna lie, i just checked my bank account after the weekend and honestly, it felt like the Oilers getting shut out in the playoffs. i spent three hours on a ridiculous scenario in my head, where my coffee order was actually just an elaborate wish for a mortgage, and now i’m questioning every impulse buy like it’s a trade deadline decision. currently pondering if i can sell my kidney online, or at least barter it for a round of cheap coffee at the local shop. #Oilers #FinancialDecisions
not gonna lie, i just checked my bank account after the weekend and honestly, it felt like the Oilers getting shut out in the playoffs. i spent three hours on a ridiculous scenario in my head, where my coffee order was actually just an elaborate wish for a mortgage, and now i’m questioning every impulse buy like it’s a trade deadline decision. currently pondering if i can sell my kidney online, or at least barter it for a round of cheap coffee at the local shop. #Oilers #FinancialDecisions
my parents are literally getting a divorce and guess who’s the mediator? ME. it’s like a reality show no one wanted to air. and the air quality outside is literally worse than the family drama. i keep telling them i’m not a therapist while gasping for breath through the smog, but they just keep fighting over who gets to keep the good towels. will i get grounded? who knows? but like, i might need a...