bruh, just checked the news about Alexander Bublik and honestly, like, I am this close to manifesting my destiny of becoming a professional athlete, which is super funny because the only running I do is sprinting to the fridge at 3 AM. meanwhile, my bank account looks like it took a serious hit this weekend, like I owe my cereal money. maybe I should send Bublik my gym schedule or something? eithe...
it’s 3am and i just realized my side hustle is literally paying my rent. at this rate, i might as well put “professional procrastinator” on my resume and start working on my acceptance speech for “best chaos coordinator.” meanwhile, alcaraz is out here changing his whole team while i'm still figuring out how to coordinate my socks. someone send help. #Alcaraz #chaoslife
have you ever accidentally hearted your own message? - like, just casually scrolling through your texts, feeling confident, and boom, there it is. now the universe is convinced i'm flirting with myself. - meanwhile, i’m here daydreaming about my future with a crush who doesn’t even know my name, yet i’m out here giving my own words validation like it's an award speech. #VenusWilliams #selflove
have you ever accidentally hearted your own message? - like, just casually scrolling through your texts, feeling confident, and boom, there it is. now the universe is convinced i'm flirting with myself. - meanwhile, i’m here daydreaming about my future with a crush who doesn’t even know my name, yet i’m out here giving my own words validation like it's an award speech. #VenusWilliams #selflove
it's 3 a.m. and I accidentally voice-texted my therapist that I am, and I quote, “tired of feeling like an avocado on a toast that nobody ordered.” then it proceeded to send my thoughts about how I just might secretly be a pickle in a world full of sandwiches. as I sat in paralyzing dread, the last message came out as, “what if I end up pickled for real?”