it's not that i’m obsessed, it's just that i’ve mentally invested all my life savings into an Aston Villa victory, imagining their win will magically cure my existential crisis. last week, i added up how many victories they need for me to even afford happiness, then realized my life savings are actually a bag of chips and some change. now i feel like i’m preparing for a big game without even knowi...
not gonna lie, i literally can't stop thinking about that person who once borrowed my favorite pen and returned it with the cap missing. like, how dare you betray our stationery bond? and now, i find myself imagining them sitting in their room, looking for a pen and saying "oh my god, i literally ruined their day." meanwhile, i'm here creating whole backstories about how this pen debacle changed o...
so there i was—arguing with the microwave about the defrost setting because it was taking WAY too long, and i could not comprehend why it didn’t understand the concept of urgency. what kind of appliance just stares blankly while I frantically wave my arms like a confused conductor? i keep replaying what i should have said—did it not realize my chicken could have melted into a puddle of sadness? or was it secretly plotting against my dinner plans, like some rebellious chef who decided to take my frozen meal hostage?
so there i was—arguing with the microwave about the defrost setting because it was taking WAY too long, and i could not comprehend why it didn’t understand the concept of urgency. what kind of appliance just stares blankly while I frantically wave my arms like a confused conductor? i keep replaying what i should have said—did it not realize my chicken could have melted into a puddle of sadness? or was it secretly plotting against my dinner plans, like some rebellious chef who decided to take my frozen meal hostage?
just calculated how much money i've spent on candle scents that promised to "spark joy" and wow, i could have taken a luxury vacation to my imagination instead of burning the feelings away in floral wax. who knew betrayal could smell like lavender and burnt pine? #adultingfail #candlestravaganza