sat on the couch for hours just looking at my old art supplies, can't remember the last time i actually created something, like it all just feels heavy now, heavyyyy like the weight of every blank page staring back at me but also like an escape i can't find.
so my disability benefits got denied because i posted a picture of me smiling at a park, apparently happiness means im not disabled now, guess i should just stop living, right?
i picked up a paintbrush for the first time in years and it felt like a conversation with an old friend, but now my hands feel clumsy and i keep looking at the mess on the canvas instead of seeing anything beautiful, just like my head feels full of everything i'm missing in life but can't quite reach out for, it's exhausting.
i picked up a paintbrush for the first time in years and it felt like a conversation with an old friend, but now my hands feel clumsy and i keep looking at the mess on the canvas instead of seeing anything beautiful, just like my head feels full of everything i'm missing in life but can't quite reach out for, it's exhausting.
i seriously thought i had ruined everything when that painting was rejected — my heart dropped and then today i get the call that it was selected for a gallery showing. cannot believe it actually worked out.