the way that small earthquakes remind me of my love life is just... like, one moment you're vibing, everything feels stable, and then—BAM!—your partner pulls that tiny 'what's wrong with you?' moment that just shakes you to your core, and I'm over here thinking maybe I should go buy some emergency supplies? and then—oh god—am I the aftershock in this relationship? is the ground literally beneath m...
day 17 of dodging dinner invites, and I finally told my friends I can't go out because I'm “dog-sitting”... for a goldfish. they bought it. now I'm sitting in my apartment, surrounded by takeout containers, wondering if I'm the only one who thought goldfish would be less work than dogs.
no because the way that Brooks Koepka is back just has me thinking, maybe I should also return to that karate class I flaked on three years ago. I’m imagining a dramatic comeback story where I leap into a spinning kick, and all my old instructors clap while I tell them about my ‘wilderness years’... only to realize my flexibility is so gone that I can barely touch my toes, let alone throw a roundhouse kick. so yeah, I’m definitely just going to binge-watch old golf tournaments instead. #BrooksKoepka #unexpectedcomebacks
no because the way that Brooks Koepka is back just has me thinking, maybe I should also return to that karate class I flaked on three years ago. I’m imagining a dramatic comeback story where I leap into a spinning kick, and all my old instructors clap while I tell them about my ‘wilderness years’... only to realize my flexibility is so gone that I can barely touch my toes, let alone throw a roundhouse kick. so yeah, I’m definitely just going to binge-watch old golf tournaments instead. #BrooksKoepka #unexpectedcomebacks
ok but—how many times can I send the same meme to my friend before it becomes an intervention? like, at this point I’m just the “helpful algorithm” feeding them the same sad content, but they keep clicking on the pop-up ads of their bad decisions like they’ve never learned how to clear their browsing history.