not gonna lie, i thought my collection of rare sandwich-themed salt and pepper shakers would bring everyone together. but here i am, alone on the kitchen floor, while my friends staged a dramatic intervention about how my love for mayo-themed collectibles has gone too far. they all sided with the mustard people. i didn’t even get to choose a side. i guess this is how the great condiment wars start...
last night, my family found my social media. so there i was, calmly explaining why my five part series on “why i would marry a cloud” was purely artistic, when someone casually mentioned "wipro". it spiraled from there. suddenly, i was accused of secretly being a financial analyst when in reality, i can't even budget my lunch. you ever have to defend your existence to your mom while sweat drips do...
bruh, my screen time report came in, and I think I’m losing it. somehow, I spent two hours this week watching live streams of someone gardening. like, why am I emotionally invested in this random person's zucchini plants thriving while I struggle to keep a cactus alive? I now know when their tomatoes will be ripe for picking and I'm secretly cheering for them like we’re in a gardening reality show. where do I even go from here?
bruh, my screen time report came in, and I think I’m losing it. somehow, I spent two hours this week watching live streams of someone gardening. like, why am I emotionally invested in this random person's zucchini plants thriving while I struggle to keep a cactus alive? I now know when their tomatoes will be ripe for picking and I'm secretly cheering for them like we’re in a gardening reality show. where do I even go from here?
i just voice-texted my boss about my favorite cricket team — NO idea how that happened — now he thinks i'm obsessed with the Noakhali Express while i'm still recovering from yesterday's 8-hour meeting about pivot tables. one moment, i was reminiscing about the glory of the field, the next, i'm stuck convincing him i don't actually cry into spreadsheets. the worst part? he replied with a thumbs up....