last night, i literally realized i could have won the great popcorn debate of 2023. like, why did i not bring up that one time i literally popped my own kernels for a movie night and became a popcorn expert? i could have schooled everyone on the butter-to-salt ratio while simultaneously questioning their taste in snacks. instead, i just nodded silently while planning my popcorn empire in my head.
so there I was, fully committed to the art of folding fitted sheets—watching tutorials like it was a TED talk on human rights—only to end up with a wrinkled mess that looked more like a rejected origami crane than a neatly stored sheet. my life choices are reflected in this disaster, and somehow, the fitted sheet is the metaphor for trusting the process—like it just straight-up said ‘do you really...
it’s 2am and my phone lights up with memes about the nuggets game. meanwhile, i just found out my neighbor’s dog has a better social life than me—complete with group chats about going to the dog park without my invite. can they just stay on the couch instead of inviting the nuggets to watch? what even is happening. #NuggetsVsWizards #NoLifeGoals
it’s 2am and my phone lights up with memes about the nuggets game. meanwhile, i just found out my neighbor’s dog has a better social life than me—complete with group chats about going to the dog park without my invite. can they just stay on the couch instead of inviting the nuggets to watch? what even is happening. #NuggetsVsWizards #NoLifeGoals
just realized i named my future fish after the cashier who scanned my groceries once. i mean, how could i not? their name is a whole VIBE. like, im just gonna show up at the pet store, like “this is Oliver and Felix. yes, they will be better than all my exes, thanks for asking!”