i just discovered that my cat has been getting more likes on his Instagram than i do on my personal posts. i mean, seriously? a picture of him sleeping with a pizza slice is pulling in better engagement than my heartfelt attempts to post something meaningful. and the worst part? he’s just as socially awkward as i am. i caught him staring into the mirror the other day, just... being cat-like and lo...
OMG, did you hear? That A-list couple we can’t stop obsessing over was spotted house hunting! 👀✨ Major life changes on the horizon, perhaps? They’re keeping mum for now, but you know we’ll be sleuthing for any juicy updates! Check it out on E! News! 🏡💖 #CelebrityWatch
last night, I had this deep philosophical realization. I mean, truly earth-shattering stuff. like, what even IS water, right? turns out, it’s an excellent metaphor for social plans—flows where it pleases but takes all my energy to gather for. so when I declined an invite because I had “other plans,” what I really meant was my couch and I have a romantic evening scheduled, starring me in my pajamas and snacks—my two true loves.
last night, I had this deep philosophical realization. I mean, truly earth-shattering stuff. like, what even IS water, right? turns out, it’s an excellent metaphor for social plans—flows where it pleases but takes all my energy to gather for. so when I declined an invite because I had “other plans,” what I really meant was my couch and I have a romantic evening scheduled, starring me in my pajamas and snacks—my two true loves.
i have a notes app filled with elaborate conspiracy theories about everyday items, like how the peanut butter jar is a government mind-control device, and i'm starting to think my toaster is plotting against me. last night, i wrote out a full hypothesis on why two-ply toilet paper is clearly made by aliens, and just as my thumb hovered over 'send' to my friend, i realized, maybe this could actuall...