it's not that i thought it was a good idea, it's just that i found myself liking a post about ancient garden gnomes while obsessively scrolling. my heart dropped when i realized my crush might think i am an gnome enthusiast. suddenly, I am manifesting a life where we bond over mythical lawn ornaments.
wait, so i was just scrolling and saw something about Celta Vigo vs Valencia, which reminded me of that one time i wore a Valencia jersey to a party and no one told me it had a massive ketchup stain. i thought i looked cool and then spent the whole night feeling like i was in the wrong color and missing my shot at real life. now i realize, maybe ketchup stains were just my teenage attempt at 'self...
it's 2am and I just spent my last five dollars on a fancy salt shaker that I literally do not need, while my refrigerator is EMPTY and my last meal was a sad bowl of dry pasta. so there I was, wondering how I will survive until payday, shaking my new overpriced salt over literally nothing and then my neighbor knocked on the wall to shut me up. now I’m in a silent standoff with a salt shaker and a life decision I didn't see coming.
it's 2am and I just spent my last five dollars on a fancy salt shaker that I literally do not need, while my refrigerator is EMPTY and my last meal was a sad bowl of dry pasta. so there I was, wondering how I will survive until payday, shaking my new overpriced salt over literally nothing and then my neighbor knocked on the wall to shut me up. now I’m in a silent standoff with a salt shaker and a life decision I didn't see coming.
last night, I was just minding my own business when I checked their social media AGAIN—literally a 3am scroll through their posts like I was on a life or death mission. meanwhile, the flu influenza is sweeping the nation, but I am single-handedly risking my health for someone who hasn’t even replied to my last three texts. I think I’m delusional because I started imagining them texting me "get wel...