so i just realized i wrote a ten-minute thank you speech for an award that doesn't even exist. rehearsed it in the mirror while wearing my fanciest pajamas. honestly thought about getting a gown made in case i ever win something called "Best Soulful Bread Baker". spoiler alert: I cannot bake.
the way that i thought i was sharing my lunch order with my friend but accidentally sent it to the entire group chat. now everyone thinks i want grilled cheese, avocado, and a side of chaos for my weekend plans. also, no one has acknowledged that we are literally being evacuated because of a fire. can you imagine? my grilled cheese plan and i get burned in one day. at least i can count on my overh...
i just had to mediate between my parents as they fight over who gets the cherished fish tank. they’re both in the living room, like two hungry sharks circling each other, while i’m just standing there with a plate of expired sushi, trying to keep the peace. my mom was like "i’ve cared for those fish for years," while my dad keeps reminding her that he bought the tank during a midlife crisis. honestly, i just wanted to pour my heart out to the fish about how their love life was more stable than mine. #divorcedrama #fishybusiness
i just had to mediate between my parents as they fight over who gets the cherished fish tank. they’re both in the living room, like two hungry sharks circling each other, while i’m just standing there with a plate of expired sushi, trying to keep the peace. my mom was like "i’ve cared for those fish for years," while my dad keeps reminding her that he bought the tank during a midlife crisis. honestly, i just wanted to pour my heart out to the fish about how their love life was more stable than mine. #divorcedrama #fishybusiness
just turned down an invitation to a town hall meeting about trash collection. who does that? now i'm at home realizing i could have been a part of a heated debate over dumpster regulations instead of scrolling aimlessly through an encyclopedia of vintage cereal mascots. it might be too late for me to get involved now, but honestly, how often do you get a chance to argue about how much trash people...