literally, I keep people at a distance because every single one who got close eventually LEFT, like it’s a bizarre game of emotional hot potato. actually, I have this extensive collection of vintage spoons because I convinced myself if I bond over silverware, nobody can take them from me. honestly, the spoons are doing a WAY better job of sticking around than my last five friendships.
i accidentally ruined a neighbor's iguana on Halloween, but no one wants to admit that seven gummy worms in a row looked WAY too much like a real worm, especially after the fake spider decorations. it eats at me because if i come clean, they might think i’ve been in the bushes all these years just waiting to do some backyard sabotage, and i can’t let them know i’m too scared to ask for a cup of su...
it's 3 am and my mind's racing through every questionable decision i've made this week. then i get that notification – liked a post of jonas valanciunas while deep stalking a friend's ex. now, all i can think is, does that mean they’re about to reconnect? meanwhile, i'm here struggling to make sense of my life choices like they're NBA trades. i can't decide which one's worse. #JonasValaninas #existentialcrisis
it's 3 am and my mind's racing through every questionable decision i've made this week. then i get that notification – liked a post of jonas valanciunas while deep stalking a friend's ex. now, all i can think is, does that mean they’re about to reconnect? meanwhile, i'm here struggling to make sense of my life choices like they're NBA trades. i can't decide which one's worse. #JonasValaninas #existentialcrisis
it’s 2 a.m. and i’ve spent the last hour imagining a universe where ants have a court system and i’m their reluctant witness, weeping for the injustices of crumpled sandwich crumbs; sometimes i think this might be the most entertaining thing in my life right now, and that just makes it more depressing.