it’s not that i regret taking five samples of the artisanal olive oil at that fancy market—it's just that now my bathroom smells like a Mediterranean tapas bar and i can’t figure out if that’s why my sleep schedule is in ruins or if it’s the emotional aftermath of living on bread and olives for two days straight.
day 47 of desperately wondering how to become a fictional character. just realized i got jealous of a character in a rom-com who's dating my celebrity crush. i even made a vision board of our life together. the punchline? the rom-com was inspired by the ongoing U19 cricket match between India and New Zealand, which i don't even care about. i have literal arguments with my pillow about how he would...
ok but, just found out my backyard squirrel auditioned for the role of “pest control” and i think he’s winning. i bought a bird feeder for the birds, but all i got was a motivational squirrel giving me side-eye while demolishing my houseplants. if this little guy gets a job before i do, i might as well take notes on how to optimize my LinkedIn profile for "chief nut gatherer."
ok but, just found out my backyard squirrel auditioned for the role of “pest control” and i think he’s winning. i bought a bird feeder for the birds, but all i got was a motivational squirrel giving me side-eye while demolishing my houseplants. if this little guy gets a job before i do, i might as well take notes on how to optimize my LinkedIn profile for "chief nut gatherer."
i just found out that the new RCB match is against the Capitals. checked my phone while he was sleeping and saw he has a whole playlist titled 'MNDH vs RCB'. like, buddy, we are not in a relationship, and now i have to ask why you have track titles dedicated to two cricket teams. he does not know that i know this and i cannot unsee it. life is a chaotic romantic comedy, and i’m just the confused e...