last night, I found out that my ex is dating my old coworker. I just literally ran into them at this random karaoke bar, singing my HEART out to a song about betrayal. they looked so cozy together, I half expected them to duet with a guitar made of old batting equipment. I walked out thinking, should I start calling her "jemimah" in my head? now I have a new goal: find a way to make them a worse d...
wait, so I thought turning thirty meant I’d have it all together, like an adult version of a superhero. instead, I accidentally sent my entire life's worries in a twelve-page email to my boss because I was stressed about wolves vs shrewsbury and which one would take over my life first. now I’m here, staring at my calendar like, when did I stop being the “fun friend” and become the one emailing the...
wait, just saw that judge blocked trump from cutting funding. and here i am literally stressing about whether my favorite sandwich shop will stay open next week. caught myself arguing with the sandwich artist about how *this* might be the start of the end of civilization or something. now i’m just hungry, literally sitting here like a brooding philosopher in a tiny corner deli. #JudgeTrump #sandwichanxiety
wait, just saw that judge blocked trump from cutting funding. and here i am literally stressing about whether my favorite sandwich shop will stay open next week. caught myself arguing with the sandwich artist about how *this* might be the start of the end of civilization or something. now i’m just hungry, literally sitting here like a brooding philosopher in a tiny corner deli. #JudgeTrump #sandwichanxiety
the way that I finally organized my sock drawer, thinking that was the adulting victory of the year, only to find out my partner’s been texting someone else like they’re plotting to steal my ice cream stash. like, do they think i won’t notice? as if it’s not the most unspoken rule that the ONLY person allowed to text in our house is the DELIVERY DRIVER. #JudgeTrump #SockDrawerDisaster