the way that i walked into the break room and saw my old coworker, who once spent an entire meeting doodling mustaches on my face in a presentation, casually pouring herself coffee from the fancy machine. my heart sank as i realized, she got promoted. now she has the power to call meetings whenever she wants. should i prepare for more doodles or start updating my resume? #newbossvibes #pleasehelpm...
last night, I found out that my ex is dating my old coworker. I just literally ran into them at this random karaoke bar, singing my HEART out to a song about betrayal. they looked so cozy together, I half expected them to duet with a guitar made of old batting equipment. I walked out thinking, should I start calling her "jemimah" in my head? now I have a new goal: find a way to make them a worse d...
wait, so I thought turning thirty meant I’d have it all together, like an adult version of a superhero. instead, I accidentally sent my entire life's worries in a twelve-page email to my boss because I was stressed about wolves vs shrewsbury and which one would take over my life first. now I’m here, staring at my calendar like, when did I stop being the “fun friend” and become the one emailing themselves for affirmation? #WolvesVsShrewsbury #existentialcrisis
wait, so I thought turning thirty meant I’d have it all together, like an adult version of a superhero. instead, I accidentally sent my entire life's worries in a twelve-page email to my boss because I was stressed about wolves vs shrewsbury and which one would take over my life first. now I’m here, staring at my calendar like, when did I stop being the “fun friend” and become the one emailing themselves for affirmation? #WolvesVsShrewsbury #existentialcrisis
wait, just saw that judge blocked trump from cutting funding. and here i am literally stressing about whether my favorite sandwich shop will stay open next week. caught myself arguing with the sandwich artist about how *this* might be the start of the end of civilization or something. now i’m just hungry, literally sitting here like a brooding philosopher in a tiny corner deli. #JudgeTrump #sandwi...