why is it that the second my neighbor’s flamingo lawn ornament starts to look too realistic, my job gets posted on linkedin? literally how did my professional life end up intertwined with garden decor? honestly, i am still mad about that flamingo!
it’s not that i’m jealous of my sibling being the favorite. it’s just that every time they get praise, my parents bring up the time i accidentally ordered a pumpkin spice latte in July. they still think it’s hilarious. meanwhile, they know i’m practicing my wrestling moves against my pillow just in case my life ever needs dramatic combat scenes. honestly, can you imagine the horror of being ignore...
literally replayed that time I should have defended my choice of cereal at the brunch table—everyone seemed so offended by my love for crunchy oat clusters, but instead of arguing back, I just sat there and took a sip of orange juice—now I can't tell if I’m more ashamed of my cereal preference or the fact that I thought juice could save me. #CerealDrama #BrunchBuddies
literally replayed that time I should have defended my choice of cereal at the brunch table—everyone seemed so offended by my love for crunchy oat clusters, but instead of arguing back, I just sat there and took a sip of orange juice—now I can't tell if I’m more ashamed of my cereal preference or the fact that I thought juice could save me. #CerealDrama #BrunchBuddies
have you ever been so loyal to a social club that you stayed for five years—while secretly knowing they’re auditioning new members on a daily basis? just yesterday, I found out they voted in my replacement by doing a live stream at brunch. I’m out here attending meetings and practicing my victory speech while they’re deciding who can fold napkins better than me—this is absolutely outrageous.