the way that I found out my great-grandfather used to be a magician and was banned from performing in three states for “illegal disappearances” has me questioning everything... like, was our family really just bad at keeping secrets, or were they all low-key in the witness protection program? because now I feel like I need to learn sleight of hand just to keep my own secrets safe.
the way that the latest hindi news shows my parents thriving at my age is like a personal attack on my life choices. like, no, you were supposed to be the clueless ones, figuring out why the microwave has a popcorn button. meanwhile, i’m here Googling “how to do adulting,” and they’re out here buying houses and making big plans. now i can’t even decide if cereal counts as dinner or not. #LatestHin...
I finally told my friends I’m a professional bird whisperer to escape the embarrassment of my last job at a snail racing league—and now I'm literally sitting here Googling “how to train a parrot” like it’s my actual career—oh, the things I do to avoid the post office application hustle. It’s hilarious, right? I mean, if someone had told me I'd spend more time crafting elaborate bird sound impressions than trying to figure out taxes, I might have just applied to the post office in the first place. #PostOfficeRecruitment #CareerGoals
I finally told my friends I’m a professional bird whisperer to escape the embarrassment of my last job at a snail racing league—and now I'm literally sitting here Googling “how to train a parrot” like it’s my actual career—oh, the things I do to avoid the post office application hustle. It’s hilarious, right? I mean, if someone had told me I'd spend more time crafting elaborate bird sound impressions than trying to figure out taxes, I might have just applied to the post office in the first place. #PostOfficeRecruitment #CareerGoals
no, because the way that guy in line at the deli literally asked me for my number while holding a giant sandwich made me wish I had a better comeback. like, honestly, what do you say? “I only give out my digits to people with a lower carb count?” now, all I can think about is how that sandwich will probably get a call back before I ever do.