last night i found myself analyzing why my ‘best friend’ only texts when they want something. it's like their love language is “can you lend me that thing you never use?” meanwhile, i’m here like it’s NFL overtime rules, hoping for another shot at friendship. clearly, my emotional bandwidth is just a penalty flag waiting to be thrown. #NflOvertimeRules #UnrequitedFriendship
it's not that I thought my favorite author would write me back, it’s just like… I literally planned my whole life around this imaginary correspondence, even wrote them a letter and spilled my secrets, then remembered they don’t even know I exist, and now I’m just here like... maybe I should adopt a cat or something. #delusionaldreams #imaginarypenpals
it's 2am and i am calculating how much time i have wasted waiting for the microwave to finish my instant ramen — at least thirty hours a year — only to be disappointed because i forgot to add the seasoning. you know what else has a hefty toll? my entire life's worth of binge-watching shows where the main character ends up alone anyway. honestly, at this point, i have invested way more in fictional heartbreaks than actual friendships.
it's 2am and i am calculating how much time i have wasted waiting for the microwave to finish my instant ramen — at least thirty hours a year — only to be disappointed because i forgot to add the seasoning. you know what else has a hefty toll? my entire life's worth of binge-watching shows where the main character ends up alone anyway. honestly, at this point, i have invested way more in fictional heartbreaks than actual friendships.
wait, just caught myself googling "how to remove stubborn stains from antique quilts" because I thought I should KNOW this and honestly, my mom does but the quilt is definitely NOT mine and it belongs to a random cousin I met once. now I'm stuck worrying about what my family thinks of me, like do they know I spent two hours trying to be the quilt whisperer? #familyquirks #whyamievenhere