not gonna lie, yaar, I am lowkey addicted to collecting random socks. like, ab toh meri family yeh sochti hai main jhaad chadak gayi hoon, but they don’t get that my life is basically a treasure hunt for socks with weird patterns, like bananas doing yoga or tacos with sunglasses — matlab, seriously? I have these heart-to-heart convos with my socks like “you complete me,” but here I am, hiding my s...
lmao, yaar, so we’re at this family gathering, and suddenly, all they can talk about is my weight. like, “oh beta, you should really take inspiration from Kazakhstan’s gradual restoration of oil output.” bruh, am I supposed to start investing in oil just to fit into your standards? matlab, can we just focus on the fact that I might still be a future artist instead of whatever expectations you guys...
literally just realized my entire childhood was like a twisted episode of a cooking show where they only taught me how to make burnt toast and think it's gourmet. actually got to therapy and started crying about not knowing how to boil eggs without feeling like I’m auditioning for MasterChef. matlab, I'm manifesting someone to appear and give me a cooking lesson that doesn't involve tears and guilt. like, can I just have a practical cook book instead of all that 'life lessons through burnt chapati' nonsense? #TraumaCooking #HelpMeBoilEggs
literally just realized my entire childhood was like a twisted episode of a cooking show where they only taught me how to make burnt toast and think it's gourmet. actually got to therapy and started crying about not knowing how to boil eggs without feeling like I’m auditioning for MasterChef. matlab, I'm manifesting someone to appear and give me a cooking lesson that doesn't involve tears and guilt. like, can I just have a practical cook book instead of all that 'life lessons through burnt chapati' nonsense? #TraumaCooking #HelpMeBoilEggs
have you ever found out that your neighbor’s pet rock is actually an up-and-coming influencer but yours is just sitting there? well, that was me. i was outside watering my plants when i saw that my boss posted my position on a job site, and my first thought was, “did they get the rocks mixed up? are we applying for the same job?” i mean, one minute i’m pouring my heart into company meetings and th...