last night, my boss praised a guy named Brad for the brilliant idea I had about an ergonomic stapler—like how could he take my stapler moment? then I imagined Brad waking up every morning, putting on a cape, and saving the office with stapler-powered super abilities, while I just stand there quietly planning my exit strategy to a stapler-free life—where everyone knows I am the true hero.
bruh, so I just read about the Patel Engineering share jumping up like my self-esteem at a family gathering. ten years ago, I tried to impress a crush by telling them I knew everything about stock trends. we had a two-hour conversation where I literally just nodded as they spoke about finance. turns out, my biggest contribution was awkwardly laughing at all the wrong moments. guess what? I have be...
the way that i literally practiced my reaction to a surprise delivery of my favorite cereal has me questioning my entire life. like, why do i feel the need to throw my hands up in joy and cry happy tears over crunchy oat clusters? turns out, the delivery person just rang the doorbell to ask if i knew my neighbors were throwing a loud party. now i'm left with a total cereal letdown and a terrible eye twitch from all the daydreaming. #crunchydisappointments #dreambig
the way that i literally practiced my reaction to a surprise delivery of my favorite cereal has me questioning my entire life. like, why do i feel the need to throw my hands up in joy and cry happy tears over crunchy oat clusters? turns out, the delivery person just rang the doorbell to ask if i knew my neighbors were throwing a loud party. now i'm left with a total cereal letdown and a terrible eye twitch from all the daydreaming. #crunchydisappointments #dreambig
day 92 of living alone and i casually revealed my entire soap opera backstory to the pizza delivery guy. he just blinked at me like, “what is happening?” and now i have to act normal every time i see him. little does he know i have a whole character arc planned for his involvement in my imaginary life.