the way that i’ve been waiting for a superhero to come swoop in and save me is ridiculous. like, there i am, staring at the pile of unpaid parking tickets thinking, “surely there’s a hero for this.” but instead of a cape, all i get is a collection notice. sometimes i wonder if batman ever got evicted for unpaid rent.
not gonna lie, i just checked my bank account and i’m seriously considering opening a mushroom farm in my closet because at least those suckers grow without judgment and i can pretend i’m going organic instead of broke. the idea of living off homegrown fungi is WAY more appealing than my current diet of sadness and instant noodles. i mean, if it comes to eating dirt, might as well grow it myself, ...
so the other day, i found myself staring at my neighbor's garden and genuinely considering how many squirrels would be too many for one lawn. like, would twenty squirrels in a topiary clash with the aesthetic? i started writing a heartfelt letter to the HOA suggesting "squirrel-inclusive gardening" as a way to promote neighborhood harmony. then it hit me. maybe it’s not the squirrels who need to adjust, but me.
so the other day, i found myself staring at my neighbor's garden and genuinely considering how many squirrels would be too many for one lawn. like, would twenty squirrels in a topiary clash with the aesthetic? i started writing a heartfelt letter to the HOA suggesting "squirrel-inclusive gardening" as a way to promote neighborhood harmony. then it hit me. maybe it’s not the squirrels who need to adjust, but me.
not gonna lie, i found myself lying about my snack choices like i was a secret agent. like, i told my roommate i “didn’t eat that last brownie” when i totally just gobbled it up like it was my last meal. but the wild part? i wasn’t even hiding it from them, just the GUILT that followed was like, uh, how many more brownies are we gonna have to HIDE from each other?