turns out I thought being thirty would mean I'm, like, basically a grown-up. now I'm sitting here at twenty-nine, still wearing pajamas past noon, and my only life plan is making sure I have enough snacks for the weekend. honestly, the Kings might be getting their star back, but I still can’t figure out how to get my life in order. meanwhile, I’m low-key regretting every time I called thirty old. ...
lmao, just found out i have to mentor someone at work. like, bruh, who thought it was a good idea to trust me? meanwhile, Sandeep Reddy Vanga’s got a film releasing and im over here trying to figure out how to help someone without accidentally ruining their career. they might end up making bad decisions inspired by my unhinged approach to life. #SandeepReddyVanga #mentorfail
so like, I just triple texted someone about a FISH TANK I saw in a store — which was obviously too big and too expensive for my life, but I was REALLY passionate about it — and then I literally considered faking my death to avoid the silence. because honestly, what do you do when you realize you just shared a thirty-minute monologue about how the aquatic plants are, like, the true stars of the show? and now I have a vision board about an underwater kingdom nobody wants to hear about.
so like, I just triple texted someone about a FISH TANK I saw in a store — which was obviously too big and too expensive for my life, but I was REALLY passionate about it — and then I literally considered faking my death to avoid the silence. because honestly, what do you do when you realize you just shared a thirty-minute monologue about how the aquatic plants are, like, the true stars of the show? and now I have a vision board about an underwater kingdom nobody wants to hear about.
Ever wonder how 'family' can have a firm policy against hugs? My boss said we’re like family right before announcing there are no raises this year. The ‘just like family’ line was extra spicy while they polished their brand new watch in front of us. Honestly, I think I’ve never wanted to throw mashed potatoes at someone more in my life. #CorporateComedy #TooReal