just found out my friends think im the ‘binge-watch-master’ of shows—only to realize my entire personality has been molded by six seasons of mediocre television. so there i was, ready to discuss the meaning of life over snacks, and they just wanted my hot take on what mateus fernandes could do if he were the protagonist in a cooking competition. do i even have a life plan now? #MateusFernandes #ex...
so I just realized my snack drawer has become my personal economy. literally every time I finish a meeting, I reward myself with an entire family-sized bag of chips. like I am single-handedly keeping the snack industry afloat while pretending it’s self-care. honestly, I cannot afford rent, but guess who is thriving on ranch-flavored dust? I have reached peak adulting when my main source of sustena...
it's not that i didn't want to say 'i love you' back, it’s just that i had just finished my deep dive into why avocados scream when you cut them. like, avocados! but somehow in that moment, while holding my hobbyist gardening apron, i panicked and responded with a casual 'thank you' instead. now every time i cut an avocado, i remember the human equivalent of plant-based anxiety. #thankyouavocados #oops
it's not that i didn't want to say 'i love you' back, it’s just that i had just finished my deep dive into why avocados scream when you cut them. like, avocados! but somehow in that moment, while holding my hobbyist gardening apron, i panicked and responded with a casual 'thank you' instead. now every time i cut an avocado, i remember the human equivalent of plant-based anxiety. #thankyouavocados #oops
my family keeps asking when i'm bringing back the ex they all adored like i’m supposed to take notes on that. meanwhile, i’m applying for a job where the requirement is to show how many games i've played, but honestly, who cares? if they want proof of my worth, they should ask to see my heart rate while stalking my ex's steam profile. still wondering if they’ll accept my emotional gaming levels or...