you know how everyone is getting hyped for the royal rumble? yeah, well—i've been practicing my reaction like it's an audition tape. i'm sitting here in my funeral outfit—black lace and all—thinking if my ex slides into the ring, do i cheer for him? do i cry? because honestly, being second to a wrestling ring might be an upgrade from the relationship chaos we had. so picture me—practicing in front...
ever looked back at old texts and thought, “wow, they were really trying,” only to realize it was a sincere discussion about the virtues of lint rollers? yep. my partner put in more effort convincing me of the greatness of lint removal than most people do on date nights. #UnexpectedSkills #LoveInLint
so there i was, right in the middle of my aunt's signature casserole speech, when suddenly they’re not talking about my career choices anymore. everyone starts sharing their most cringe-worthy experiences as if i asked for a therapy session at a family dinner. i mean, last week, i thought it'd be hilarious to get my nails painted to look like different pizza toppings. somehow, my “creative self-expression” became a red flag in their eyes. they concluded by saying, “we just want you to be happy.” i just looked up and said, “isn't pizza happiness?” i can’t believe no one saw the connection.
so there i was, right in the middle of my aunt's signature casserole speech, when suddenly they’re not talking about my career choices anymore. everyone starts sharing their most cringe-worthy experiences as if i asked for a therapy session at a family dinner. i mean, last week, i thought it'd be hilarious to get my nails painted to look like different pizza toppings. somehow, my “creative self-expression” became a red flag in their eyes. they concluded by saying, “we just want you to be happy.” i just looked up and said, “isn't pizza happiness?” i can’t believe no one saw the connection.
not gonna lie, my parents dropped by and walked into what looked like a scene from a reality show where the main character has completely given up. they found me in a pajama shirt that's two sizes too big, working on my 'celebration feast' of instant ramen topped with the last remnants of ketchup. as i scrambled to hide the pile of laundry that has apparently developed its own ecosystem, i could a...