it's not that i care that much... it's just that i double texted, then triple texted, and was seriously considering faking my death just so they'd think about how my last words were "let me know" while i painstakingly envisioned my memorial service with tiny cake pops shaped like my face—i literally thought, how would they even feel?!
wait, i just found out my friends think i have the charisma of a wet paper towel at a 2 a.m. laundromat. like, really? who made that choice? suddenly, i’m questioning the entire summer camp skit i performed for them.
honestly, i was watching a cooking show and just realized my favorite chef is literally out there giving second chances to random ingredients while i gave a second chance to a person who immediately dumped me for—get this—a squash. yes, a squash. now i am obsessed with the idea of their "romance" as if they are chatting and cooking together while i sit here googling what went wrong with my self-esteem—was it the potato salad i made for them? did it taste like disappointment? this is why i do not trust vegetables anymore. #cookingwithheartbreak #vegetablesarejerks
honestly, i was watching a cooking show and just realized my favorite chef is literally out there giving second chances to random ingredients while i gave a second chance to a person who immediately dumped me for—get this—a squash. yes, a squash. now i am obsessed with the idea of their "romance" as if they are chatting and cooking together while i sit here googling what went wrong with my self-esteem—was it the potato salad i made for them? did it taste like disappointment? this is why i do not trust vegetables anymore. #cookingwithheartbreak #vegetablesarejerks
wait, I just spent thirty minutes practicing how I would react if I ever ran into Cristiano Ronaldo at the grocery store. like, I rehearsed the excited smile, the casual lean, and even the heart-stopping moment of our eyes meeting. then, while imagining all the attention this would draw, I realized I would probably just end up sneezing in front of him and knock over the pasta sauce. it gets better...