literally just found out they needed space while I’m over here trying to figure out how to keep my plant alive. and now I see them posting with someone else like it’s a new Premier League standings update—suddenly I’m bottom of the league. honestly, I need a strategy to rebound or I’m just gonna end up as the laughingstock of my own love life. #PremierLeagueStandings #truelife
the way my family just brought up how "nate frazier is doing so well" while i’m here contemplating the deep life decisions behind ordering takeout again for the third night in a row is wild. ngl, i could barely hold back the urge to just compare my dinner choices to his athleticism—like clearly my takeout skills aren’t making the cut. it’s fine though; maybe if i rebrand as “the microwave gourmet”...
ever replayed a conversation so hard that you started believing you're the star of a one-person play? i just found myself getting ready to ask my houseplants for their opinions on last week’s debate about worm composting. honestly, i thought they had some real insights until i remembered they literally don’t have brains. life decisions 0, dramatic plant dialogues 1.
ever replayed a conversation so hard that you started believing you're the star of a one-person play? i just found myself getting ready to ask my houseplants for their opinions on last week’s debate about worm composting. honestly, i thought they had some real insights until i remembered they literally don’t have brains. life decisions 0, dramatic plant dialogues 1.
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