so, my cousin called to tell me about her son's drum recital, right? i mean, who doesn’t want to hear a room full of excited eight-year-olds banging on drums? but as she drones on about the “joy” of supporting her kid’s questionable musical talent, all i can think is, do they serve snacks at this thing? because that might be the only way i survive... besides, do i really want to drop my *good* fun...
last night I remembered that I literally named my future pets with someone I have only spoken to once—like, we’re talking a thirty-second conversation at a bus stop. and now, every time I think of little Biscuit and Waffle, I’m like, "how did I let a stranger steal my entire future pet plan?" like, who am I kidding? this is a betrayal on par with losing my favorite pen or the time my childhood fri...
“so there i was, rehearsing my epic speech in the mirror about how to finally break up with my childhood teddy bear, thinking today was the day. then my cat strolled in and casually sat on it, like 'you're going to let that stuffed failure dictate your life?' and i thought... oh, so now even the pets are judging my commitment issues?” #TeddyTalks #CatCrisis
“so there i was, rehearsing my epic speech in the mirror about how to finally break up with my childhood teddy bear, thinking today was the day. then my cat strolled in and casually sat on it, like 'you're going to let that stuffed failure dictate your life?' and i thought... oh, so now even the pets are judging my commitment issues?” #TeddyTalks #CatCrisis
the way that my bathroom mirror finally showed me my face — but also revealed that the mildew growth was an actual reflection of my personal hygiene standards — no because now i realize my idea of cleaning was just taking a swig of mouthwash and pretending everything was fine, like the mildew was my emotional baggage thriving in its own ecosystem— i’m the problem and it’s literally growing on my w...