so i just realized my destiny is to spend weekends pretending to love filing paperwork like it’s my calling. i mean, who wouldn’t want to be a clerical wizard while secretly envisioning their name in lights? it’s only a matter of time before they realize i'm the chosen one. #voluntold #paperworkroyalty
day 12 of believing my secret could win the national lottery, but it feels like my best friend just declared war—because she told someone my shameful plan to declare my undying love for a character from an 80s movie—who is literally not real. honestly, at this point, it feels like the Monroe Doctrine of my heart is being violated, and if the U.S. military interventions can't get it right, what hop...
no because I just invented an entire tragic backstory for the guy at the grocery store who buys a single cucumber every Tuesday. he’s definitely in witness protection, mourning a lost love who only ate vegetables. now I feel obligated to write him a heartfelt letter and slip it under the cucumber before I have to reevaluate my life choices. #strangerobsessions #totallynormal
no because I just invented an entire tragic backstory for the guy at the grocery store who buys a single cucumber every Tuesday. he’s definitely in witness protection, mourning a lost love who only ate vegetables. now I feel obligated to write him a heartfelt letter and slip it under the cucumber before I have to reevaluate my life choices. #strangerobsessions #totallynormal
not gonna lie, i just found myself making up a whole backstory for my neighbor's garden gnomes because they left me on read for three days and then casually hit me with a "lol" like nothing happened. honestly, one of them has a better personality than most people i know. #justmeandmygnomes #gardeninggossip