it's not that i regret buying a vintage bookend shaped like a flamingo—it's just that now i can't figure out how to explain to my one shelf of unread novels why they are suddenly flanked by an overly colorful tropical bird... like, am i *really* gonna pretend this has anything to do with my aesthetic or is this just a monument to my chronic impulse control issues?
honestly, I thought I was just staying loyal—like the quarterback who gets sacked but still tries to throw that perfect spiral. I texted my “friend” about Drake Maye’s shoulder situation and got no response. that’s when it hit me—while I’m here being a concerned bestie, she’s literally ghosting me like last season's pop culture references. now I’m on the couch like, do I need to take a knee or was...
i just found out that ryan seacrest is reflecting on his legacy after all these years hosting, and honestly, i feel like my legacy at work is me making copies and chasing down coffee. with half the team laid off and my workload literally doubled, i was hoping someone would say, “you know what? you deserve a ryan-style comeback.” but instead, my boss just asked if i could stay late to cover for the 80-hour-a-week job that got axed. then i tripped over a stapler on my way to the bathroom and thought, this is literally how my story ends. #RyanSeacrest #workdrama
i just found out that ryan seacrest is reflecting on his legacy after all these years hosting, and honestly, i feel like my legacy at work is me making copies and chasing down coffee. with half the team laid off and my workload literally doubled, i was hoping someone would say, “you know what? you deserve a ryan-style comeback.” but instead, my boss just asked if i could stay late to cover for the 80-hour-a-week job that got axed. then i tripped over a stapler on my way to the bathroom and thought, this is literally how my story ends. #RyanSeacrest #workdrama
so like, i decided to treat myself to a fancy candle. you know, one of those with a name so pretentious you’d think it was a person. anyway, as soon as the credit card bill came, i was like, "who knew my self-care rituals were leading to financial ruin?" literally, my budget is now more tragic than ryan seacrest’s attempts to be relevant without idol. like, i swear every time he talks about his le...