ok but I just poured my heart into a twenty-page manifesto about the emotional impact of blue hedgehogs on our collective childhood, and they responded with a single eggplant emoji. like, what am I supposed to do with that? does this mean they are confused, impressed, or suddenly want to start a vegetable garden?
ever accidentally liked a post about knitting from the 19 seventies while stalking someone's grandma's hobby blog? it was a simple scroll, but then it happened. the red heart lit up like a beacon. now i am left sweating and strategizing my escape plan, contemplating whether to offer a heartfelt apology to a stranger who probably has more needles than i have friends. will i become the infamous knit...
it's 2am and i just found out my neighbor's ferret has more followers on social media than i do. like, i'm sitting here trying to get my book published while this tiny furball is casually vibing with a thousand people. it’s not even the celebrity life i imagined—just a ferret named "fluffy nugget" living its best life. i'm thinking about starting a GoFundMe for my future successful author dreams but also—do i need a ferret? #FOMO #LiveYourBestLife
it's 2am and i just found out my neighbor's ferret has more followers on social media than i do. like, i'm sitting here trying to get my book published while this tiny furball is casually vibing with a thousand people. it’s not even the celebrity life i imagined—just a ferret named "fluffy nugget" living its best life. i'm thinking about starting a GoFundMe for my future successful author dreams but also—do i need a ferret? #FOMO #LiveYourBestLife
day 22 of rehearsing my speech for that promotion—I discovered my boss has a pet goldfish named Napoleon, and now I'm convinced it’s pulling the strings behind the scenes like some aquatic puppet master—I mean, how do you even compete with that kind of POWER? #OfficeConspiracies #GoldfishPolitics