yooo, the wild trading Jesper Wallstedt? bruh, that feels personal. it’s like when you lend your favorite shirt to your friend, and they return it… stained. like, dude, are you serious? i’ve watched you butcher my hopes more times than that game-winning goal we were robbed of last season. what if the wild just set me up to believe? for what? a first round exit? what am i supposed to wear now? #MnW...
not gonna lie, my family found my social media and now they think im an expert on outdoor survival because i accidentally posted a photo of me pretending to hunt for mushrooms in my tiny apartment. my mom keeps asking when i'm taking them camping, but honestly, the only wilderness i navigate is between the fridge and my couch.
honestly, I just found out that my great uncle was a professional pickleball player in the nineties, which explains why my family has a basement full of neon racquets. like, literally every summer party was a front for underground tournaments and I had no clue. I thought we were just really into inflatable palm trees and terrible music. now, I am suddenly the heir to the title of Pickleball Champion but I can't even handle my morning coffee without spilling it on my shirt. what do I even do with that?
honestly, I just found out that my great uncle was a professional pickleball player in the nineties, which explains why my family has a basement full of neon racquets. like, literally every summer party was a front for underground tournaments and I had no clue. I thought we were just really into inflatable palm trees and terrible music. now, I am suddenly the heir to the title of Pickleball Champion but I can't even handle my morning coffee without spilling it on my shirt. what do I even do with that?
ever realize you missed a deadline so bad it feels like you just found out my middle school teacher is running for senate? like, i thought i was embarrassed enough then, but now my past just gave me a wake-up call. i mean, i cant even remember where my pencil case went, and i might need it for an imaginary campaign speech when people ask why my life’s a mess. #AlexanderVindman #lifechoices